Are you giving them the right attention?
Looking back at my school years, I recalled having many tuition-free childhood days, where I have lots of time to spend on real and healthy hobbies, like reading, drawing and singing, and still managing to stay within the top three positions in class.
I wouldn't attribute it to the fact that I was smarter, for I did struggle with a few subjects later on and required a day or two of tuition to help me get along, but I was a 'good' student, one who pays utmost attention in class, finishes her homework conscientiously, and is not afraid to raise questions when in doubt.
I must agree that things are very much different now in the education scene, with increased competition and more demanding curriculum, and kids are finding it harder to cope without external help.
Nonetheless, I still believe that the strategy to doing well academically remained unchanged.
The ultimate fool-proof concoction to good grades, like that to many other endeavours in life are, as what my mother always said to me, DISCIPLINE and ATTITUDE.
This seemed simple enough, but that's all that is required.
When a child is disciplined,
- he will make sure he finishes his work before he plays or rests
- he will go through his work every day after school to make sure he retains the knowledge
- he will take note of his schedule and ensure that he prepares for his tests and exams in advance
When a child has a good learning attitude,
- he will be motivated to think out of the box and find solutions to problems
- he will be unafraid to admit ignorance and ask questions to clarify his doubts
- he will be able to see failures as stepping stones and not stumbling blocks to success
THE OLD-SCHOOL PARENT
My mother is not well-educated, but she is a very good educator.
She understands that a good education is not just about grades, but also about character. So, she focused more on character-building, making sure that my sister and I have good learning attitudes and discipline in doing our work. And that inevitably led to good grades.
My mother is not a qualified teacher. She didn't send us to tuition classes to 'give us a head start' in life. She didn't restrict our play time and make us spend all our time studying. Yet both my sister and I did well in life, academically and socially.
All she did was to give us her time and her attention. And I appreciated her for what she did.
Whenever we did badly in our tests or exams, my mother would not immediately send us to tuition classes to pull up our grades. Instead, she will ask us to reflect:
Why do you think this happened?
Do you think you could have done better?
How do you think you can do better next time?
Although we do get our due punishments of more work and less play, they were given only in relation to the areas that we are weak in, and removed when we shown improvements. The carrot-and-stick system was implemented fairly and in a very motivating manner.
Whenever my mother met up with my teachers during the Parent-Teacher Meetings, the first things she asked would be Did my daughter ask a lot of questions in class?
My mother sees questions as a representation of attentive listening and good learning attitude. She believes that if we are able to ask good questions in class, we show that we are listening and are willing to learn, and to her, that was sufficient.
THE MODERN PARENT
So, what your child really need is your time and attention to instill discipline and good attitude, but time and attention is scarce for modern working parents.
Parents nowadays are torn in their different roles in life.
Given the high living standard, both parents need to work to put bread on the table. This responsibility often takes up so much of their time and effort that they are exhausted at the end of the day, and have no more time and energy to inculcate discipline and good learning attitudes in their children,
As a result, they engage the help of domestic helpers, childcare centers and private tutors to take over these responsibilities. But are they really effective? To some extent, yes. But the effectiveness ultimately depends on the active participation of the parents.
THE TUTOR'S ROLE
As a private tutor, I come across many students and families from all walks of life. Most parents engage my service because they have no time to coach, no patience to coach or no idea how to coach their children. For some students, I even became their counsellor, as their parents told me that they cannot communicate with their children, and hoped that I can 'talk some sense' into them.
Indeed, for most of my students, the problem in their grades does not lie in understanding. Rather, it lies in the desire for the time and attention of someone - anyone - who is genuinely interested in their well-being and everyday life.
Granted, there are times where these kids need help and clarification in their school work, but many-a-time, they just need companionship and encouragement. My students love talking to me while they work, filling me up on their day, telling me their woes and joys, and through our guiding-and-chatting sessions, I always see improvement in their learning attitudes and grades.
Does your child need a tutor? Maybe yes, because they need someone to guide them when their parents are busy meeting ends meet.
But does is that enough? Definitely no, because parents' time and attention is the best encouragement and solution to character-building, discipline and good learning attitudes.
So, no matter how hectic your schedule is, take some time off to check on your child. It might work better than any helper, center and tutor.
So, no matter how hectic your schedule is, take some time off to check on your child. It might work better than any helper, center and tutor.
About the Writer
Ms Vivien Wu is the founder of The Pedagogy Domain, a provider of small-group home-based language workshop for young learners. As an experienced teacher, trainer and facilitator, she is dedicated to improve learners' command of language through interactive, practical and fun workshops. Read more about her here.